Four-Year-Old Drama

Can you believe that sweet face could cause such havoc? The green mouth is courtesy of his Green Goblin Popsicle that is necessary every time he steps into the backyard.

He got tested with the county school system today for speech and development. It was not a lot of fun for me. They kept making comments along the lines of "we have never tested this far with any child" and " he is working at a six-year old level" which meant "why are you wasting our time and there is nothing wrong with him." That is all great and fine except for making me feel like the worst parent in the world. One of the ladies worked with him and then asked me "what exactly is wrong with his speech?" Uhhhh, no one understands him, he has a lisp, can't make certain letter sounds and seems as though he has a Boston accent when he has lived in Georgia his whole life? I was told they would never be able to do anything for him if he sucked his thumb and I needed to make him stop. Oh, okay. That is a great idea. One of the ladies pulled out a sheet on how to discipline children and read it line by line to me. "You don't ask a child to do something, you tell him so that you have the authority and are not passive. An example is: Put your shoes on. The wrong way is: Can you put your shoes on for me? Funny an example was not Don't rub your poop all over the bedroom floor. Wrong: Could you pretty please not ruin our house today? I'll have to send him to private school for sure now that there is a big red mark in his file for Strong-Willed Mommy. I sat back and told them that those were not my problem areas and it was easy to say everything is fine when they sit on the floor and play fun games with him. I think I might have cried and had my own little tantrum if my child wasn't with me. I expected simplistic answers like "take a favorite toy away from him" and "walk away from him" but had hoped for a little more direction that would help us in any way at all. They told me to get support from our church and I exited. Again, child with me so not possible to hit the nearest bar. I did the next best thing for a Mommy. Two large coffees at McDonalds and a phone call to my friend, Susan, who confirmed that she always felt punched in the stomach when dealing with "those" people. Hopefully there will never be a next time, but if there is I will know to follow her lead and visit my happy place in the middle of a conversation with them. Two large coffees...not a good idea when you don't normally drink caffeine. I felt no better and only talked faster about my problems. Our next stop was the GI Dr. for Alex and I needed to see him for myself by the time we got there. The Doc lives in La La Land like all the other child-rearing experts in my life. He told Alex to put his poop in the potty and felt confident that would do the trick (he forgot to tell him not to put a whole roll of toilet tissue in the bowl). I played along with his little game just as I did with the dental assistant that told Alex he would look like a duck if he sucked his thumb. She said that is all I had to tell him. We weren't out of the office for 10 minutes before he told me "I want to look like a duck." I had high hopes for answers coming out of this marathon day. As it turns out the only thing I learned was to not drink two large coffees in one sitting. Next plan of action: pray more, endure the insanity and save for all new flooring in the house.