Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Poo Corner

Please be aware that this is another gross post about human waste. Reader Beware!

With much deliberation after viewing them, I have decided not to post my terribly graphic and disgusting post-laxative crime scene. It just wouldn't be very nice and I don't want to accidentally look at them either. I will use them for my original purpose instead: to email my husband in California to show him what fun he is missing at home. Before I get any further, let me clarify that this disaster spanning 2 rooms was caused by my little boy and not myself. Just in case you were wondering. The story is a little long and complex quite like the Little Guy's GI history. Short version is he was a miserable kid and I thought it might help things a little to give him a laxative as his Dr. suggested. I normally wouldn't do that on my own, but just trust me that things are a lot more complicated than I wish they were. These things are supposed to take about 6+ hours to "kick-in". Note to self: an hour might be more accurate for Little Guy. He took his nap and I think you can picture the rest in your head if you must. Stuff happens. Whatever. Can't be mad about it, but the problem is (as usual) he tries to take care of things himself and let's just say I need an industrial strength Rug Doctor again. Please don't suggest that we invest in a carpet cleaner because seriously, we need the big monster heavy duty one that you probably can't even buy if you aren't going in to business. Hey, now there is a thought. With all of our experience we will a perfect fit for the carpet cleaning business. I can see the cheesy commercials now with me, the Carpet Queen, the star of the show. We will have so much work locally that Hubby will never have to travel away for 10 days straight again. I digress. Anyway, he will be going on Friday to get the machine, although he does not know it yet. No resting after his trip or getting caught up on email. Crack! (that was my pretend whip, but who are we kidding, I am leaving as soon as I can get out of here and they can sit around and look at the poo-carpet all they want.)

I am by no stretch of the imagination a Pollyanna. I vent a lot on this blog, but I am not really a terribly negative person either. I know you can't tell, but remember, I am CRANKY this week! My point is that I don't really walk into a poo-covered room and feel thankfulness about anything even though I'm sure there is a lot to be glad about. Because I am so grouchy this week and anticipate a few more gripes coming, I am going to look on the sunny side of life and list the good things about this experience.

It could have been worse (I hate this one the MOST!)
It wasn't new carpet that has never seen poo before.
A LOT of it (you would have to see the pic to believe) was in the tub for easy cleanup
I probably needed to throw away some things in the bathroom and this gave me the chance.
I held it together surprisingly well and didn't yell or lose it.
I had much sympathy for Little Guy (until he started telling me the spots I was missing)
On my hands and knees scrubbing will give me an extra Loser-exercise journal entry.
I must have burned lots of calories! Skinny jeans, here I come!
I am so behind on laundry that a few more loads to do won't matter.
He was outgrowing that underwear anyway so great to be able to throw it away early.
I have more proof for Hubby that I really should have called my blog "Save the Carpet"

That is it. That is all I have.

As it turns out, there may have been a virus going on as well. You didn't think it could get worse did you? I'll spare you and just casually say that we were up all night, I am tired and he is fine now.

I really hope this is my last laxative related post. I can't possibly promise that at this time. I can't wait to see what Google Ads get generated from this.


Angela said...

you are hilarious!!

thanks for a good laugh. i needed that, myself.

i am so sorry about the mishap... that totally stinks (no pun intended) ;)

Kristin said...

You are making me addicted to your blog with these funny stories! My personal faves: it wasn't a carpet that hadn't seen poo before, you probably needed to throw some things out anyway, and he was beginning to outgrow his underwear. I'll have to remember those when my little one starts potty training!

Kristi said...

You are a hilarious writer, Lisa!! Thanks for the laugh as well!!

BUT...I am so sorry to hear about the mess that you had there! How stressful and NOT fun...especially when your hubby is gone too!

Hang in there!!!